I am looking at the snow as it breathes upon the Ozark morning. It should be a poster for tranquility. It's not.
I just had a most unsettling conversation with a friend via the phone. She is disturbed that she is my friend on Facebook and that I had posted a link to Jake's interview with a style magazine in NYC. This particular set of interviews is about ordinary people whose closets are nominated for their style. In the clip, Jake talks about being gay.
Well, you know, there are maybe 5 people in the surrounding 10,000 people who don't know this. When he came out, it was a smash to all notions of the south in America as he was an All-state basketball player who led his team to a state championship. He was a team-roper, and calf-roper of such calibre that he won trucks, saddles, thousands of dollars. He traveled all over Europe on his winnings.
So it wasn't a mild, slight twitch of the closet door. It hit the wall with a bang. We try not to make other people uncomfortable, but the time is past that I won't post some of his outstanding things happening in New York in his life now.
I went with a deep breath and just a simple, "you know what, just unfriend me"- No, she wants it taken down as people shouldn't be exposed to this aberration.
I lost all perspective. It brought back every feeling of fear from the past when I thought someone would try to kill him, the fears that we would all fall apart as a family, still half the family won't say his name, and I told her to fuck off. To never acknowledge us again, to never say my name or my child's name again, to never let me see her again in person. It felt good.
Anger is sometimes good.
I'll look at the snow later.
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